Infomercial Theory

They say the golden rule for infomercials is:

1)  Convince the audience of a problem they never knew they had.
2)  Provide a solution to the problem that they never knew they had.
3)  Scare them into thinking the problem they never knew they had is worse than they ever thought it could be.
4)  Give them a one-of-a-kind too-good-to-be-true offer that they have to act on right away.
5)  Give them something extra to make the too-good-to-be-true offer EVEN MORE too-good-to-be-true.

I have to admit, I love watching infomercials.  I find them oddly captivating (and usually the acting is absolutely priceless... as in I don't think they paid anything for real actors).

Have you also noticed how there are "regulars" in the infomercial acting world?  I'm like "that's the same old lady who had fell in the tub and needed the suction cup handle to make her safer after washing her feet with these scrubber things that so you don't need to actually touch your own feet, yet also grows her tomatoes upside down, but talks to her grandkids while grandpa listens to the TV using the wireless headphones so as not to disturb her, all the while wearing her Snuggie so she can knit without her arms getting cold!"

But that's not why I write today... I write about the latest trend in the mainstream market that capitalizes on the problem I never knew I had.  The hands free soap pump for home use!

As the commercials point out, "who wants to touch a germy soap pump? EW!"  Now you too can keep your family safe and healthy from harmful germs with the hands free soap pump next to your sink!

Now, I don't doubt that there are germs on the soap pump (well, perhaps I do, but that's another issue)... but what do I do normally when I touch something nasty or germ-ridden?  Wash my hands!  But wait?  That's ALREADY what I'm doing!  What a deal!  So why should I care if the soap pump is germy?  I shouldn't!  That's the point!  It's the perfect problem you never knew you had, coupled with this country's obsession with cleanliness and scaring people into thinking that germs are out to get you!  "I don't want my kids touching that!  Ew!"

I guess there really IS a sucker born every minute...

Crossing the US Border

As usual, after a 7-month blogging hiatus I'm finally going to make a good-faith effort to get back into the blogging of random thoughts, OUTSIDE of when I'm on vacation and actually good at blogging.  So here goes...

Today's random topic:  Why are US Border Agents so gruff?

So yesterday I took some friends up to drop them off at the Vancouver cruise terminal.  As usual, it's a quick and rather uneventful drive until you get to the border crossings.  Normally I use the NEXUS lanes, so I don't have to deal much with the Canadian border agents (they typically just wave through the NEXUS card holders with little more than a passing glance to see if there's anyone else stowed away in your car).  Though this time since my friends were "normal people" we had to use the regular lanes.  No wait at all, so we just pulled up to the booth and the Canadian border agent made typical idle chitchat while scanning our documents.  "Where you from?  Where you headed?  How do you know each other?"  The typical questions where it really doesn't matter what you answer, just how you answer.  The usually cordial Canadians welcome you with a "have a nice day" and you're on your way.

I delivered my friends to the cruise ship, then turned back for home.  No adventures in Vancouver for me today, it was a nice drive though.  As I pull up back at the US side, similarly low wait times at the border.  I, of course, now having nobody else in my car, could take advantage of my NEXUS card and use the special quickie lane.  Though really, I think I've had more pleasant US border crossing experiences when I'm NOT using the NEXUS lane.

Now, ostensibly the point of the NEXUS program is that you voluntarily submit yourself to a background investigation by both the US and Canadian governments.  Assuming they find you suitable (and you pay the $50 processing fee), they give you a NEXUS card, identifying you as pre-screened, low-risk traveler who really just wants to be able to get back and forth across the border without hassle.  This honestly seems to be the way the Canadian border patrol views the NEXUS program.  Admittedly, the Canadian border agents are less concerned overall with Americans traveling into Canada, but the US side is so vastly different.

First of all, I have only once had a cordial experience with a US border agent.  I believe they are trained to be intimidating.  After all, I guess they are the bouncers at the door of the hippest club in the world, the United States of America.  But seriously... I am an American who lives less than 2 hours from the Canadian border,  trying to get back to my own home in my own country.  I have done everything I possibly can, including actually PAYING to get a NEXUS card and VOLUNTARILY submitting to a complete background check to ensure that I have no criminal history or pose a likely threat to my own country.  Maybe they can stop being like the bouncer and more like the doorman, who will welcome you back to your home.

This trip as I pulled up to the border:

CBP: What have you been up to?
ME:  Dropped some friends off at the cruise terminal.
CBP:  (looks around the car, looks at me, looks a little longer)  Goodbye.  


That was the end of it.  Should I expect much more?  Probably not.  But I think it was the "Goodbye" that threw me off.  What, not even a "have a nice day"?  Is that so much to ask?  I think a bit of good manners goes a long way.

But I can't be too hard on the fine men and women of the Customs and Border Protection service.  They ARE there trying to keep the bad guys out, and to protect us Americans.  I just wish they were a little less intimidating.  I shouldn't feel like a criminal when I come through the border to get into my own country.

One more reason I don't like Hallmark...

Greeting cards are a multi-bajillion dollar industry.[1]  You have cards for every seemingly meaningless occasion on the calendar, made-up occasions, congratulations, salutations, animal rehabilitations, or marriage nullifications.  Each of these categories have something for everyone, something funny, something sentimental, something touching, something ornamental.  It's brilliant marketing, I suppose.  Yet with all of these options...

WHY IS EVERY WEDDING CARD SAPPY, TACKY, OR OTHERWISE CRAPPY?    I'm a mildly amusing person, so I want nothing more than a mildly amusing wedding card, but every one you find is so serious and flowery... I just don't understand it!  I've resorted in some cases to re-purposing some creative anniversary cards (which are usually more amusing), or something else.  I haven't yet resorted to giving someone a "congratulations on your impending divorce" card for their wedding[2], considering that would be in poor taste even for me.  :)   All I want is a reasonably mainstream "Congratulations on Your Wedding Day" card, with Snoopy on the front holding a bunch of balloons or something.  Is that so much to ask!?

[1] Not based on any statistics I could find or bothered to look up.
[2] Not that I haven't thought it might be more appropriate at times...

Olympics Tickets = Legalized Extortion

This morning, CoSport, the exclusive US ticketing agent for the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Games, "released" their "remaining" (or so they claimed, at least the tickets they didn't think they could sell as part of "hospitality packages") allotment of individual tickets for the games.  

Almost immediately, the ticketing website was completely bogged down.  By now all of the individual tickets are gone, leaving only the "hospitality packages" to choose from.  

Ah the Hospitality Packages.  So obviously I took a look at the Opening Ceremony package, which consists of:  

• (1) ticket to Opening Ceremony, category A
• (1) additional event ticket "of your choice" (to be chosen from a few underwhelming events that nobody really cares about)
• (1) ticket to the Sunday Victory Ceremony
• (1) pass to the "Hospitality Area" (to eat and drink with all the other rich people who paid too much)

All for the low, low price of Four Thousand Twenty-Three American Dollars.  $4023?!  So if you have 4 people who want to go, that comes to just over $16,000.  YOU CAN NOT BE SERIOUS!  I honestly believe that you could get a better deal from the ticket scalpers!  

Absolute, certain, no-doubt-about-it, 100% extortion.  On President Obama's route to untangling the mess of the BCS, I might recommend he make a stop at the USOC and see what he can do about money-grubbing ticket brokers.  

Absurd.  

Updates!

Well, it's been a long and eventful holiday season... one that has had countless situations I've been intending to blog about, but never the motivation to do so.  Trying to summarize all the way back to the snow will be a challenge, but I'll try to give you the highlights. 

Christmas was good.  The traditional family gathering on Christmas Eve was postponed due to the trecherous driving conditions and snow, but I did make it down to my parents' house for the day.  My car performed admirably, until on the way home after dropping my sister off at her house, a mere mile from my house, the lights on my dashboard lit up like a Christmas tree and I knew something must be wrong.  But more on that later.

Christmas Day the entire family came over to my house.  It was a nice day, despite even more fresh snow falling in the morning.  I took my morning to shovel out a couple of parking spots on the street, and then everyone showed up for the day.  Lots of food, good times, not much to complain about I'd say.  

Day after Christmas, it was time to address the car issues that I knew were going to be a problem.  Determining that there was some sort of problem with the electrical system, I considered the distinct possibility that my car battery needed replacing.  The battery was original to the car, which is now about 8 years old, so it's reasonable to assume it's time to be replaced.  Driving over to Schuck's, I made my way through the slushy mess that was the street, and as I was a block away from the store, heard my engine begin to sputter, as one-by-one each electrical component in my car began to shut down.  Pulling into the parking lot, the car died completely, not to start again.  With the help of some folks, I was pushed into a parking space, where I proceeded to buy a new battery and replace it there in the parking lot, as the snow began to fall again.  After finishing that, the car started up just fine, though the warning lights on the dash remained.  The worker at Schuck's brought out a tester, and determined that as I had suspected likely, my alternator was certifiably dead.  On battery power alone, I managed to get my car driven over to the Nissan dealer just 20 blocks away, where I had taken my car before to solve the great Window Regulator Debacle.  Of course, as I attempted to pull out of the parking lot at Schuck's, my tired got stuck in the slush, necessitating me pulling the shovel out of the back seat and digging out the tires again.  But at the dealer, they took my car and I found my way to walk across the street to the transit center, grab a bus to get me within 1.4 miles of my house, where I proceeded to walk home through the snow.  Later found out that I had both a dead alternator, and a cracked radiator hose (no doubt from driving over some ice that jabbed into it).  They fixed them, and the next day I paid $750 to get my car out of hawk, and all was well.  

My week off from work was reasonably enjoyable, though I did work a couple of days to stock up on some comp time, and New Year's was also fun.  Then we come to last weekend, where my comp time came in handy as I took Thursday and Friday off to be Chief Umpire for the USCA West Regional Curling Qualifier for the Olympic Trials.  As my math works out, I was at the curling club for about 65 hours over 4 days, but had a good time for the most part.  Met lots of great curlers from around the country, and despite the average of about 6-hours of sleep each night, managed to enjoy myself.  

And now, after a month where I had so little downtime it's hard to remember the last time I took a night off, I have a night off.  But I leave you with this random rant:  

Do the legislators in King County have anything better to do than pass these ridiculous laws requiring calories information posted on menus in all restaurants?  There is nowhere I can go without seeing ridiculous information I have no desire to know, let alone care about.  I do not want to know how many calories there are in my large curly fries from Jack In The Box.  All it makes me do is go "hmmm, that's interesting" and proceed to order them anyway.  Knowing fast food is bad for you didn't stop me from eating it before, so why would I stop eating it now that I see this (admittedly large) number posted on the menu.  As far as I'm concerned, the only number I should see on the menu when I pull up to the drive-thru window is the one with a dollar sign next to it.  

So listen to me King County.  I'm going to thank you.  Not for trying to use numbers to try to dissuade me from eating foods that might be bad for me, but for giving me the power to use those numbers to know exactly which foods I WANT to eat.  From now on, I'm going to religiously look at those calories numbers, and know definitively that the higher the calories, the tastier and more satisfying the food will be.  And that's what it's all about.  

Have we really reached this point?

Picture this...

You're on vacation at Disneyland, and while standing in a painfully long line waiting to get some overpriced food at the nearest buffeteria, you notice that there's a second line that's completely closed while the one open line stretches all the way to Fantasyland. You casually pick up a comment card and sarcastically suggest that when it's busy they open the second serving line. Next year you return to the same place, and lo and behold, both serving lines are open.

What do you do?

A typical response would be: "Hey, they took my suggestion! Look at how much better it is!"

But apparently, far too often the response has been: "Hey! I gave them that idea! Now Disney owes me money for using it."

Seriously? Is this what our American society has come to?

As reported this morning on MiceAge, it's exactly what it's come to:

"In late July all Guest Relations offices in Disneyland and DCA stopped allowing any visitor to fill out a comment card or leave any comment in writing.
Whether it's a compliment about a great Jungle Cruise skipper, or a complaint
about cold gumbo in New Orleans Square, you can no longer write anything down at
Disneyland Guest Relations. Believe it or not, this new decree comes from
Disney's legal department who was getting tired of being threatened with
lawsuits from angry park visitors upset about something they had put on a
complaint form at City Hall."

The article goes on to explain the lengths to which Disney is going to ensure that in no way will any suggestion/complaint/compliment ever get any attention by the company whatsoever.

Obviously these aren't isolated incidents, and obviously they have their own various success rates based on the fact that Disney is so afraid of them. It's utterly ridiculous that our society actually allows such frivolous lawsuits to occur--that we are so consumed by greed and entitlement that no good deed goes unpunished. While many frivolous lawsuits regarding the perceived negligence of companies have become perhaps less favorable in the eyes of society, we've moved onto the age of protecting "intellectual property", in whatever form it may conceivably take. Soon, the world will be left to fend for itself. Nobody will help anyone else for fear that their good-intentioned help will be seen as a hindrance punishable by gobs of monetary damages. Is this really protecting our interests and the freedoms we hold?

Fun, Fun, Fun

Is it just me, or is "fun" one of the most overloaded words in the English language? Most people would sit there and think, "what are you talking about? Fun means only one thing, it's one of the basic building blocks by which other more complicated words are defined." But not only is it used as a noun, adjective, and verb, it's also used to convey positive and negative, good fun and bad fun, craziness and absurdity.

How many times have you been told, "You're no fun," just because your idea of fun is counter to someone else's? How many times have people used the excuse "I was just having fun," in response to being caught doing something they shouldn't.

Contrarily, spending times with your best friends is "fun", as is doing good things you like to do. Pretty soon we'll be saying things like:

"I had a fun time playing games outside, but had way too much drinking fun, and
now I'm having fun being sick."

People, hear me now... using the word "fun" is a short way to waste a lot of words.

More interesting to me is the usage note in the American Heritage Dictionary regarding the adjective form of "fun":

The use of fun as an attributive adjective, as in a fun time, a fun place,
probably originated in a playful reanalysis of the use of the word in sentences
such as "It is fun to ski," where fun has the syntactic function of adjectives
such as amusing or enjoyable. The usage became popular in the 1950s and
1960s, though there is some evidence to suggest that it has 19th-century
antecedents, but it can still raise eyebrows among traditionalists. The day may
come when this usage is entirely unremarkable, but writers may want to avoid
it in more formal contexts.

Don't get me wrong, there are legitimate uses of the word "fun", but let's try to keep it the way it was intended to be. The next time I hear someone use it in an absurd way, I will be compelled to beat them over the head with a rubber chicken...

... yeah, that'll be fun!

Summer Staycations

With a term sure to make 2009's annual Banished Words List, the mass media has glommed onto the only way to describe the country's response to the current state of the economy for summer travel: the "Staycation."

With airfares going through the roof, and the nickle-and-diming by the airlines becoming dollar-and-quartering, the prediction of a major downturn in summer travel is not unlikely. As expected, United announced today that it will be matching American's $15 charge each-way for the FIRST checked bag on flights. While I understand that the airlines have taken a huge hit on fuel prices and are hemorrhaging money, it's understandable that luxuries once commonplace on flights should be eliminated or require an extra charge. However, CHECKING A BAG IS NOT A LUXURY! These charges amount to nothing more than extortion of the customer. Most customers will have no choice but to pay the extra $30 roundtrip fee, or if they have the option choosing to fly on a different airline.

Of course, I'm one who usually takes my chances and checks a bag, even though my suitcase is technically suitable to carry on the plane. For $30, I would certainly change that viewpoint (as would many others, I expect) and attempt shove my bag in the already non-existent space in the overhead bins. I predict congestion at the gate, necessitating many bags to be checked gateside, thereby holding up flights and costing the airlines more than they're taking in from the increased baggage charges. But what do I know? If anything, this may help increase flyers on those lower-cost airlines who don't need to charge the extra fees. Seems to me the MBAs at American and United who determined this is a money-making plan may have the foresight of a mosquito just moments before it encounters my cars windshield at 60 MPH.

On the other hand, I think this increase in cost for air travel may actually come out in the wash for consumers. Resort destinations are predicting the trickle-down from a downturn in air travel hurting their bottom lines, with their only resolution being to reduce rates accordingly. A bit of creative planning and flexibility on the airfare side (or cashing in some of those frequent flyer miles) could easily equal an overall cheaper time to vacation travel than we've seen in the past few years. Las Vegas casinos are becoming desperate for visitors, and other resort destinations such as Disney parks in California and Florida are expected to be increasing their discounts and promotions to fill their lacking capacity. Empty hotel rooms don't make anyone money.

The one thing still working for the travel industry is international visitors, who are certainly capitalizing on the lousy US Dollar. But if that alone is enough to overcome the increased difficulty navigating airports and increased border security remains to be seen.

Roadtrips don't do much better, with gas over $4/gallon. Perhaps it's time to enjoy what there is to see and do around home. Enjoy your Staycation.

Reviews? Or just complaints?

The new house is coming along, we close next Wednesday, but in the meantime I've had some obligatory appliance shopping to get a refrigerator, washer and dryer, all of which were necessary since it's a new house.

When buying big-ticket items, it always pays to check reviews and to take into account quality and value, at least as much as you take price into consideration. Finding reviews of tech items is usually fairly simple in this electronic age, everyone has an opinion, and usually you can find a fair share of objective ones. But appliances still tend to be trapped in a previous era, as what are touted as "online reviews" tend to be nothing more than an online complaint department.

Herein lies the problem: people who have issues are exponentially more likely to write a "review" than those who are completely satisfied with their products. Given a large enough sample of reviews, I tend to relate it to about a 5:1 ratio of poor reviews to good reviews -- for every 5 customers complaining, there is 1 customer praising. If the actual results are skewed one way or another, then I consider that a significant trend. If I go online and see 12 reviews, 10 of which are complaints, and 2 of which are praising the product, then I consider it a wash and there's probably no *real* widespread problem with the product or the manufacturer.

It's just difficult to sort it all out sometime, especially when the overally quantity is so few. I was looking for reviews on a GE refrigerator I was looking at, found about 6 reviews over the course of 2 years, all of which were negative, usually with comments to the effect of "GE sucks, never buy from GE again." I think I'd give them a bit more weight if the review was more subjective, but it was nothing but people who no doubt has legitimate problems with their fridges, and probably had bad experiences getting their problems resolved, but then trying to generalize to all products that was the case. I consider GE probably sells tens-of-thousands of refrigerators each year, and only 6 complaints over 2 years? Doesn't seem significant to me.

I have found that there are reliable, and objective, reviews and comparisons out there to be seen. Magazines such as Consumer Reports, or various online websites that really ask the right questions (pros/cons of various models, issues, etc.) Certainly there are some brands that tend to be more reliable than others, but I guess I'll just make it up as I go and hope what I want actually works.

Election Roundup 2007

Rarely am I compelled to write about anything political, but after yesterday's election festivities, I thought I'd make a few comments considering about everything I voted one way on went the other way.

Prop 1 - the aptly named "Roads and Transit" package that would bring light rail everywhere and lots more roads, failing miserably. I think the problem all along has been the "roads" part of it. I'm a huge fan of light rail wherever they want to put it. The vocal masses opposed to this measure took issue with the roads part, and well, I guess I can't blame them for that. The problem was they tried to put it all together. I think people would have approved the light rail if it were all on its own. Oh well... I guess we'll just have to wait another decade for solid public transportation options and pay twice as much.

Initiative 960 - Tim Eyman's latest attempt at "armchair legislating" which would require 2/3 legislative approval (or any voter approval) for any tax increase in Olympia, PLUS an "advisory vote" of the people for any new tax... passing. How anyone can vote for anything that comes out of Eyman's bag o' crap anymore still astounds me. The one commonality that every one of his initiatives have demonstrated countless times before is that they create sweeping changes that hurt far more than they help. Can we recall back to his first $30 car tabs initiative that was passed? You don't have to look far to see the lack of decent bus service and sky-high ferry tolls to see the results of that. Oh, but Timmy's Lexus SUV is as cheap as ever for him to license. Good thing we saved him some money. On the bright side, this ridiculous piece of legislation will likely be tied up in court as they determine it contradicts with the state constitution and then shoot it back down. Then Eyman will start crying out that the "will of the people" is being ignored by the state, blah blah blah... we've been through this all before.

EHJR 4204 - Reducing the requred vote from 60% to 50% to approve school levies. Is this just a change to make it easier for school levies to pass because they keep failing? Of course it is. But does it still make sense? Of course it does. Why should schools be held to higher requirements than anything else? It only takes 50% (+1) of the people to approve stupid initiatives, and other major taxes, why do schools have to get more? This never has made any sense to me. Plus, schools need the money, and it's a much better way to spend it than on most of this other junk. If 50% of the people don't want it, that's fine, but 40% shouldn't be able to dictate the terms.

Everything else on the ballot is relatively uninteresting. We didn't have any elections for any big state or federal positions, so it was relatively uneventful. But at least it's all over now, and I can stop seeing all of those darn commercials.

April Update

Seeing it's the 25th of April and I have yet to make a post since March 31st, we'll call this the April update, and I will endeavor to give a whirlwind tour of the month so far.

I made it back safe and sound from the bonspiel in New Jersey. (Pictures are up in my photo album.) The trip was a lot of fun, but always nice to get home from far away. Being my first trip to the East Coast (besides Florida, which everyone agrees does not count), it was quite a bit of fun. I need to go back to NYC sometime soon.

Curling wrapped up another year of fun and excitement. I curled in three different leagues this year, and my respective teams did reasonably well in all three of them. My Sunday night team was runner-up in the B division, which was a victory considering how bad we did the first half of the season. My Thursday night team won the C division, and my Friday night team won the A division. [A note about the divisions: the general pattern for curling leagues are that at the beginning of the season, teams are randomly assigned into pools and play teams in their own pool. Half way through the season, for a two-division league anyway, the teams in the top half of each pool are put into the A division, and the bottom-half of each pool become the B division. That way in the second half, theoretically you're playing teams that more closely match your skill level. Still, winning the B division is vastly preferred to, say, coming in 5th in the A division. :)]

Now that curling is done, I'm finding myself with quite a bit of spare time on my hands... which is both nice and not. It gets a bit boring sitting at home all the time, so I have to find other things to do. My current goal is to go to the driving range at least once a week and get my golf skills a step-up from deplorable to respectable. :)

I've had such a terrible track record seeing movies I want to see. I think I'm going to get NetFlix for a few months and catch up on my movie watching. For the past, oh, 2 years or so I've consistently had movies that I've seen previews for and been "I want to see that", but never did. And considering I NEVER seem to go rent movies, I think having NetFlix will convince me to actually watch them occasionally and catch up seeing movies I've wanted to. The big challenge will be setting up my queue and trying to remember all the movies I've wanted to see. We'll try it for a month or so and see how it works out.

Last week I went and saw The Light in the Piazza at the Paramount. This will be an abbreviated review, which is probably what the show deserved. I think this show is hit-or-miss as far as the audience goes... and I think it had its fair share of misses. I've determined there are really three distinct audiences for the theatre... first, people who see theatre as an art form, meant to inspire, intrigue, and promote intellectual discussion on a social commentary of the world. Second, people who want to be entertained, whether in comedy, music, lavish scenery, fantasy reality, or any combination of those. And third, people who have such low standards they would give Rachael Ray microwaving a hot pocket a standing ovation.

I definitely fall firmly into the second category, but if the show crosses-over to cover both the first and second categories, I'm just as satisfied. I don't mind the occasional inspiration, but I definitely want to be entertained or awed by a show. I WANT to be humming a tune for a week after the show. The Light in the Piazza missed the mark with a lot of the audiences. While the show loosely may have inspired or intrigued someone, I don't think that's what it was trying to do, and if it was it failed miserably. I sat next to an older lady who came in by herself, and not to stereotype, but appeared definitely to be in the first category of audience I described. About halfway through the first act I looked over and she appeared to be in the most excrutiating agony and/or half asleep. She did not return for the second act. The music was very operatic in nature, which in turn made it difficult to understand a lot of the words during the songs, as well as just wasn't toe-tapping or hummable music. I think it missed the #1 or #2 audience hits, but there are plenty of #3 audience types who were on their feet at the end as usual.

As for my ratings:

Cast - 4 stars. My lackluster satisfaction with the show was, as usual, no discredit to the actors. Outstanding cast, and well performed.
Script - 3 stars. An interesting story, though nothing spectacular.
Music - 2 stars. The music wasn't bad, but did nothing for me. What would have been a good play without music was just muddled up with added music.
Technical - 3 stars. Not much more to say about that.
Overall - 3 stars. Probably more like 2.5 stars, but I'll round up in this case. I've seen it, it was worth seeing once, but I don't need to see it again in the future.

With that review out of the way, I'm caught up to this week. Not too much going on at all. I should get back to work, then figure out what to do with the rest of my day.

What's so wrong with a $1 coin?

This will serve double-duty of recapping my past weekend, and promoting the widespread use of the newest $1 coin. The connection will be made clear shortly.

I had a long, yet exciting weekend this past weekend as I went up to Victoria, BC for a curling bonspiel. Though I had to get up at about 4:30am to get out on the road and head up to Canada, at least I didn't have to drive, so it was a much more relaxing trip. We got on the road at about 6:00am and made it to the border by about 7:30am. There was only one lane open at the border crossing, but fortunately since it was so early even at that there were only 2 cars in front of us in line. I went up with three other guys, one of whom is actually Italian and a student doing his graduate research at the UW. As a result, we were stopped at the border and had to go inside so Canadian immigration could check out his paperwork and US Visa. I don't think they were particularly concerned with letting him in, as much as they wanted to make sure the US would let him back in when we came home. All went smoothly, and we made our way up to take the ferry across from Tsawwassen to Vancouver Island.

Curling went well, we managed to win our first game which was nice, but ultimately ended up 2-3 for the weekend. All close matches though, so we were pretty pleased, especially since the Canadian locals were far more adjusted to the ice than we were. (The differences in the ice make a huge impact on the game.) Our hotel was only about 3 blocks from the curling club, so we could walk back and forth as needed. We had a few spare hours one day that we used to walk down to the inner harbor, er, harbour, which was fun. All in all, a good weekend. We had about an hour wait at the border coming home, despite our best efforts to avoid it. We came across the truck crossing instead of the main I-5 Peace Arch crossing, which apparently had about a 2.5 hour wait. Lots of people trying to come down to the US on Sunday afternoon.

As always happens when I go to Canada, I am reminded how great the $1 and $2 coins are. The US is the only major country in the world to still have small-demonination bills in circulation, but oddly enough, most people seem fine with that. Even with the recently improved Presidential $1 coin that is now available, people still aren't using it. Some frequently-cited polls report that something like 75% of the US population prefer the $1 bill to a $1 coin, but I don't buy it. I think it's just we're stubborn and hate change... in every sense of the word. :) I for one rarely carry any change around whatsoever... but in just two days in Canada I adapted and was carrying change with me because I had to, and you know what, it wasn't that bad. Who really needs their grungy $1 bills anyway? Use the coin! I'd use the coin more, but nobody gives them as change ever, and cashiers look at you funny when you give one to them. Really, I think it's just a vocal minority opposed to eliminating the $1 bill (the same minority who are opposed to eliminating the penny, though I don't mind the penny). I say let's get rid of the $50 bill and 50-cent piece while we're at it... talk about a superfluous piece of money.

Commonly misused phrases? I could care less!

Picture with me now... a dramatic moment in your favorite reality television show. A contestant is fed up with his opponents, and in a moment of high drama, cutaway to an interview clip where he exclaims, "I could care less what they think of me!"

... and... SCENE!

Last night I was watching my DVR'ed episode of The Amazing Race from Sunday and this exact thing happened. All I wanted to say was, "You're an idiot."

Let's face it, we all stumble over words occasionally. And as much as I wish the real world had a backspace key to clean up those little errors, it doesn't. But consider how useless some of these commonly used words and phrases have become. If I were parsing the phrase--not that I do that, well, not too often anyway--I would take "I could care less" as one big chunk and give it the part of speech "meaningless idiom." Phrases like that are so overused, nobody takes them literally anymore. Certainly if they did they'd be as confused as anyone. "So wait a minute. If you could care less, you must still care some."

Now I'll try to assemble as many misused, useless, or generally redundant phrases as possible:

I literally flew off the handle when I couldn't eat nor sleep forever. Like I eluded to prior, it was a very unique experience, most everybody would agree. Due to this affect, I am a man who will be easily aggravated in the forseeable future.

See how many you can find in there. :)

Abusing the system...

Since what seems like the dawn of time, Costco has had an absurdly liberal return policy for products bought from its warehouses. Basically, you could return anything, anytime, even years after you bought it, for a full refund. Well, thanks to the actions of a few who have taken advantage of this policy, Costco has been forced to change it's absurdly liberal return policy to one that's only reasonably liberal. [Costco tightens its return policy -Seattle PI 2/27/07] "Anytime" has essentially turned into "within 90 days", though has been supplemented with a new 2-year warranty. Of course, this wouldn't have been an issue, if not for the abuse by some unscrupulous customers who would buy a $2000 plasma TV, only to return it 6 months later only to turn around and buy a brand new model for half the price. As ridiculous as it sounds, it was fully within the letter of Costco's policy to do so, though certainly not within the spirit of it. It has become so commonplace that one customer, as noted in the PI article, even went so far as to refer to it as Costco's "free TV upgrade policy." As a result, the majority of honest customers to whom Costco has always tried to provide outstanding customer service are being penalized. Now I believe that their new policy is still FAR more than reasonable, and better than you'd find anywhere else, it's the principle.

The "abuse it because you can" philosophy stretches far beyond Costco, or even retail stores in general. It's an epidemic in American society. Cable television, cell phones, any service-providing company is a victim of this. I know people who call and haggle with Comcast over their cable bills every month, not because they aren't satisfied with their service, but just because they know if they complain about something they'll get months of free service or other discounts. When I've questioned these people in the past, it's always rationalized by "they charge too much anyway, it doesn't cost them anything to give me a discount," or "that's the way the game is played." The problem is that it IS costing the company money, and it's also costing every customer in a lack of quality customer service and companies standing by their products and services.

I believe that most companies genuinely want to keep their customers happy--it's in their best interests to do so. It's just that most often, they've been burned so many times in the past that they are skeptical of every complaint that comes in. They start assuming that the majority of customers complaining are just trying to get a free lunch, and as a result crack down on their policies and customer service. Who really suffers is the honest customers, who do in fact occasionally have legitimate complaints or problems. Take my recent bout with Nissan's customer service regarding my broken window regulator on my car. [previous blog thread] I don't believe I was at all unreasonable in my complaint and request for a repair, and ultimately I was able to convince Nissan that I wasn't just trying to get something for nothing, after which they stood by their product and fixed my issues. But no doubt they are inundated with requests from customers expecting them to fix problems due to normal wear-and-tear and the like, that no reasonable customer would ever expect a company to do. I could tell this just from my conversations with the customer service representatives I talked to. As a result, a company who genuinely cares about its customers ends up unintentionally driving away exactly the good customers it wants to cater to.

The value of knowing your customers personally, and customers knowing the company personally, is never to be underestimated. If the company knows you are an honest and valued customer, they are far more likely to help you out when you have a problem. It's a compelling argument for perhaps paying a bit more to buy a product or service from a more reputable vendor, though I definitely don't offer a blanket endorsement for the mom-and-pop electronics store either. Large or small, you just have to know who's standing by your products.

Sure there are unscrupulous companies and salespeople who try to take advantage of the honest, good-intentioned customers... but that's another rant for another blog.

HP Mania!

The mania has begun... you can't go two minutes without someone going "Hey, did you hear the new Harry Potter book will be out on July 21st? I have to get it as soon as it's out!" Oh the pain...

The book isn't going to be any different whether you get it one day or the next... so what's the big deal, folks? Sure, I'm interested to find out how it's going to end too, but geez. Why don't you just pretend the book will be released on 7/22/2007, order it on Amazon, and when it arrives you'll be like "sweet!"? Then you won't be disappointed. It's like people who set their alarm clock forward 20 minutes so when they ignore it and wake up 20 minutes late they're suddenly right on time. (Which, by the way, I never have understood, because 99% of the people who do this, KNOW that their clock is 20 minutes fast, and intentionally plan that into their day, so it really defeats the purpose.)

Sure, everyone wants to know what's going to happen with Harry Potter... they've been chomping at the bit for the past year just waiting for the finish. Maybe it's a sense of "beating everyone else to it"... so they can be the first on their block to know what happens. In this case, I wouldn't stand a chance regardless because I read slower than two turtles chasing each other across fly paper.

Myself, I plan on just waiting a week until everyone I know have each read it about a dozen times, then I'll borrow it and read it when I get the chance.

And believe me, I know toasted...

Have you seen the Visa commercial where everyone's getting lunch at the cafeteria and everything is moving like a well-oiled machine... then someone throws a wrench in it (in this case, paying with cash instead of their Visa Check Card(tm)) and everything falls apart? [Visa Commercial: 'Lunch'] I like this commercial, mainly because it is the perfect dramatization of how you get into a regular routine, and the smallest change can throw you completely off.

This is especially apparent when you live alone... rarely do things change without you actually changing them, so you can neglect common double-checks you might normally take without fear of anything unexpected happening... until you have guests (like my freeloading sister a few months back). The differences can manifest themselves in the most unusual places... like the toaster.

Have you noticed that most people, whether they realize it or not, have a very distinct preference for how they toast their bread. Some people like it blackened (or as I would call it, 'cajun style'), others just warm enough that it's a bit crusty, but not a hint of brown anywhere on it. Still others prefer it somewhere specific on a scale between those extremes. Myself, I prefer it, as Alton Brown would say, "golden brown and delicious"... no black, but enough that it's just a bit toasty. The problem is, few toasters (and certainly not my classic 1980's stainless steel model) have any sort of custom presets like a car radio to set how toasty you want it. Instead, I have to rely on my experience to get the lever set to exactly the right toastiness, and trust that once I get it right it's not going to change. It's a time-proven system... until someone touches it. On several occasions when I mindlessly dropped my bread into the toaster and pushed the plunger down expecting "golden brown & delicious" toast, I ended up with extra dark and over toasted toast. Such a disappointment. After the first such occasion, I traced it to my fine freeloading sister who had monkeyed with the toaster (and then later claimed that I need a new toaster... totally bogus). It just goes to show that sometimes your routine can get the best of you.

[Editor's note: I had this rant probably 3 months ago, but as usual forgot about it everytime I was trying to think of something to blog about until now.]

Whatever happened to do-it-yourself car repair?

Last night on my way to the curling club, I came to the realization that it wasn't quite as bright as it should be in front of my car. After I got there, I got out of my car to take a look and sure enough, my front passenger-side headlight was out. Ignoring my past experiences ["All that work for a $10 lightbulb" 11/20/2005 ], I figured "Hey, no big deal. I'll pick up a new bulb tomorrow." And so this morning on my way to work, which just happens to go right past a car parts store, I picked up a new headlight for my 2001 Nissan Altima for the amazing low price of $8.69. After work, I got a screwdriver and wrench and headed down to the garage to replace the headlight. As I recalled from the driver's side headlight just over a year ago, everything has to be done from the inside under the hood. Unfortunately, where on the driver's side I had the battery to contend with blocking my access to the bulb, on the passenger side I had a slightly less movable object, the coolant tank.

After pondering just how much work it would take to wedge my hands in far enough to get at the bulb, then realizing that I'd never actually get the bulb out once I did, I retreated to the assistance of the owner's manual. Despite my hopes to the contrary, the instructions had not changed since the last time I tried to find the instructions to replace a headlight only to ignore the manufacturer's recommendation that you take the car to the dealer, lest you follow their instructions on how to completely remove the front bumper of your car.

For more than a brief moment, I contemplated actually following said instructions and removing the front bumper of my car in order to replace the headlight, and even went so far as to remove one of the supposedly 4 screws holding on the bumper. After regaining my senses in a bout of extreme frustration, I put everything back together, closed the hood and ranted to myself all the way back upstairs. A bit of research online led me to the exact situation I had already deduced from my own first-hand experience. BUT... the suggestion quickly came that there really is only one screw that holds the coolant reservoir in, and after you remove that easy-to-access screw, all you need to do is use, and I quote, "more than a little upward force", and the coolant tank will just pop right off and you can move it to the side. Could it be so easy?

Back downstairs I go, open the hood back up and do a little further investigation. I removed the screw that holds the coolant tank down, and then pulled up on it. No success. Wiggled it a little and pulled up again a little harder. No success. Stared it at glaringly, cleaned it off and reached down as far as I could to get a better grip, and pulled up even harder. No success. Hmmm, did I miss something? Did a little investigative work to figure out just how it was held down there and saw a bit of a clamp on the left side that appeared to hold it on there. Took the end of a screwdriver and used a little leverage to pull up on the top edge. POP! It came loose and I just lifted it right out and set it off to the side.

Now I had easy access to the bulb, just a twist of the locking ring and out came the old bulb, in went the new one, voila! Snapped the coolant reservoir back in its holder and screwed it down, and that was it. All-in-all a 15-minute procedure, 10 of which were trying to get the darn tank off, and now both my headlights work again.

This brings me to the rant of the night, if it's so easy (obviously) just to remove the coolant tank to get at the headlight, WHY does the instruction manual give you the daunting instructions to remove half the front of your car to get at it? I'LL TELL YOU WHY... to convince less-adventurous folk to take their car into the dealer who can charge them an arm an a leg to "remove the front of the car to get at it, because it's so difficult." Of course, once you take it in, they probably just pop off the coolant reservoir and replace it in all of 5 minutes and charge you for 1.5 hrs worth of labor. OK, so I'm probably exaggerating and there's some legal liability reason why they can't actually tell you to remove the coolant tank or the battery or whatever. Like that makes it any better.

Well, that should cover the headlights for a while now. What will go wrong next? I dunno, but maybe it'll be time to get a new car by then.

Being sick is no fun...

I managed to be sick most of last week, which wasn't much fun at all. I rarely take any sort of drugs when I'm sick, rather just resting and surviving through it. The exception is when I have a cold and am so congested I can't really breathe well. For that, I usually keep a good stock of DayQuil (the gelcaps, not the liquid, bleah) on hand, because it does an amazing job of keeping your head clear and breathing. I still had some (that I probably bought a couple of years ago, and admit was a bit past its expiration date, considering how infrequently I find myself needing it), but it still worked wonders. On Saturday morning I ran out of it, so I stopped by the drug store to get some more. No problem, right? Well, mainly I wanted to not be sniffling all through Saturday night at my cousin's wedding (pictures in the online album, btw). I took the stuff in the afternoon and the evening, and neither time did my head clear up. Maybe the drugs were broken? Was my cold just so bad nothing could save it? Did I just imagine taking it? Something wasn't right. I got home Saturday night and took another dose right before I went to bed, usually ensuring at least a clear night's sleep. But I woke up about an hour later with my nose so stuffed up I could barely breathe. It was horrible! I finally made it to sleep (probably because I was actually getting better, not necessarily because any drugs were helping me) and slept through most of the night.

Sunday morning it was time to do some research. I look at the DayQuil box and what do I see, they have actually CHANGED one of the active ingredients that is supposed to solve all the sinus congestion. How dare they?!

Now for your education moment... if you have read nothing else, read this and learn...

DayQuil, as with most other over-the-counter cold medicines, used to contain Pseudoephedrine which does an amazingly good job at clearing sinus congestion. However, as the most unscrupulous world of illicit drugs also learned, is remarkably easy to break down into Methamphetamines. Thanks to recent legislation within our fine US Congress, laws to help restrict the sale of products containing Pseudoephedrine were incorporated into the not-so-aptly named 'Patriot Act'. As a result, most manufacturers have reformulated their cold medicines to replace the Pseudoephedrine with another less-easy-to-turn-to-meth alternative called Phenylepherine (also in a much smaller dose). This is the ingredient now found in DayQuil among others. I'm all for getting rid of bad drugs if there's a reasonable substitute, the problem is, Phenylepherine doesn't work! Several studies have shown Phenylepherine to be no more effective than a placebo at alleviating sinus congestion. WELL THAT'S JUST WONDERFUL! I might as well swallow a sugar cube when I have a stuffy nose... probably tastes a lot better.

As a result, yesterday I made a stop at the local Rite-Aid to look more closely at the cold medicine shelf. Looking at the boxes, most of the easy-to-find stuff is all using the new Phenylepherine. If you look hard enough though, for example, I found that there is another version of DayQuil called "DayQuil Sinus" (seems redundant to me), but infact, it's essentially the same as the regular DayQuil, but instead contains the ill-fated Pseudoephedrine. WAHOO! So I grab a box and take it to the register. Not so fast. The forementioned Patriot Act now mandates that ALL sales of products containing Pseudoephedrine require the purchaser be logged and limited on how much they can buy. As a result, it takes me 5 minutes while the kind, yet slow and not very computer-literate, cashier basically takes all the information off of my driver's license and enters it into the register. It's easier to buy a bottle of Jack Daniels than a bottle of DayQuil! However, I made it out with relative ease. Took the DayQuil Sinus and within 20 minutes, the runny nose was gone and I could breathe free and clear.

The moral of the story: KNOW what you're buying! Ask for the Pseudoephedrine by name! Know the differences! It's worth the extra trouble, especially when you're sick and the difference is between feeling better and being miserable.

Sweet Charity

Tonight I went with my sister Amy to go see the musical Sweet Charity starring Molly Ringwald at the Paramount. I had no real expectations going into this musical, but figured if it was a touring production at the Paramount, it's bound to be good.

Boy was I wrong.

If there was a genre of "classical musicals" this would firmly fit in. In fact, the original musical opened on Broadway in 1966. I usually enjoy the classic musicals, just as I enjoy most of the more contemporary musicals. It includes several classic tunes such as "Hey, Big Spender" and "If They Could See Me Now", but even the music couldn't save this show. It's hard for me to dedicate even much time reminiscing of this musical, other than to express my extreme disappointment.

My first warning should have been that the theatre was probably 1/2 to 2/3 empty. The 3rd mezzanine was almost completely empty, and probably most of the people in the theatre were actually season ticket holders who had nothing better to do. I have never been to such an empty performance at the Paramount.

The show was plagued with 15-minute long song and dance numbers (which shouldn't be surprising considering the original production was choreographed by Bob Fosse). I nearly fell asleep a couple of times, which is very atypical for me as well.

At intermission I considered it a 2-star performance on my rating scale... I should have left at intermission, the second act was only worse... overall it rates as a lonely 1-star out of 5. I would not recommend it, nor voluntarily go see it again.

On a related rant, some would argue that there should not be courtesy applause after a poor performance. I actually believe that courtesy applause is only customary at the conclusion of a show. Good or bad, the actors who performed are doing a service and should be applauded for their performance. HOWEVER... there is NO such thing as a courtesy standing ovation. If the conclusion of the show doesn't make you want to spring to your feet and cheer, then don't. There are some people who rise to their feet with a standing ovation at the conclusion of nearly every performance, especially the bad ones. Tonight's show was no exception... though more annoying is the fact that most of those people seem to always sit in the 1st row. As a result, you have several other involuntary standing ovations:

1) standing because the person in front of you is standing and you can't see if you don't stand too.
2) standing because other people are standing, and if they're standing it probably means you should too.
3) standing because you're trying to get out as fast as you can

I REFUSE! It cheapens the impact of a standing ovation when it is overused. If you aren't compelled by the performance to leap to your feet, THEN DON'T! DO NOT BE TEMPTED!

Tonight was the perfect demonstration. At the conclusion of the show, a mild courtesy applause arose for the cast taking their bows, and of course, 4 people sitting in the row immediately in front of me stand in ovation. I refuse, but in a strange change of scenery, I glance to the sides and behind me, and most everyone else is refusing to stand as well. The result was basically everyone who was standing looked like idiots-- either idiots for standing at the end of a performance that obviously did not merit it, or idiots for believing that the performance actually did merit it.

RESIST THE COURTESY OVATION!

Consumer profiling

As anyone who has purchased anything on Amazon.com in the past knows, once you start buying (or even just browsing their site), they start "consumer profiling" you. They want to know what you look for when you're shopping online, so that they can point you towards other items you might be interested in but didn't think to look for yourself.

This is good in principle, I suppose, if not a little creepy. Of course they do this by trying to match your shopping patterns up with similar people shopping on Amazon. Say Jimmy-Bob in Texas buys Season One of the West Wing on DVD, as well as a Black & Decker toaster. And say several other people do the same thing. Suddenly Amazon sees that I've bought The West Wing on DVD, and what do they start recommending for me? You guessed it, toasters. What does the West Wing have to do with toasters? About as much as Joan Rivers has to do with "natural beauty". But Amazon's magic consumer profiling algorithms will make the link and suddenly think it's all related.

The example I just gave was fabricated, yet typical of the types of things that happen. But to give a real example, Amazon also looks at what you buy, and recommends similar things that you might be interested in. About a year ago, I bought a new video cable on Amazon to connect to my TV. I just needed one cable and decided to buy it online since it was cheaper. Now, however, Amazon thinks I'm a connoisseur of fine video cables or something. Not a month has gone by where I didn't get an e-mail advertisement from Amazon for some cable (even the same as the one I already have, perhaps I need another?). When does the madness stop?

The big question is: does it work? Have I bought something on Amazon that I didn't realize I needed until Amazon pointed it out to me? Yes. I'm sad to say it's true. Probably for every recommendation that completely misses the mark, there are 3 or 4 that are dead-on accurate. I guess nothing's perfect, you just notice the few inaccuracies far more than the majority of the correct ones. And maybe -- just maybe -- it's time for me to buy a new toaster.