Infomercial Theory

They say the golden rule for infomercials is:

1)  Convince the audience of a problem they never knew they had.
2)  Provide a solution to the problem that they never knew they had.
3)  Scare them into thinking the problem they never knew they had is worse than they ever thought it could be.
4)  Give them a one-of-a-kind too-good-to-be-true offer that they have to act on right away.
5)  Give them something extra to make the too-good-to-be-true offer EVEN MORE too-good-to-be-true.

I have to admit, I love watching infomercials.  I find them oddly captivating (and usually the acting is absolutely priceless... as in I don't think they paid anything for real actors).

Have you also noticed how there are "regulars" in the infomercial acting world?  I'm like "that's the same old lady who had fell in the tub and needed the suction cup handle to make her safer after washing her feet with these scrubber things that so you don't need to actually touch your own feet, yet also grows her tomatoes upside down, but talks to her grandkids while grandpa listens to the TV using the wireless headphones so as not to disturb her, all the while wearing her Snuggie so she can knit without her arms getting cold!"

But that's not why I write today... I write about the latest trend in the mainstream market that capitalizes on the problem I never knew I had.  The hands free soap pump for home use!

As the commercials point out, "who wants to touch a germy soap pump? EW!"  Now you too can keep your family safe and healthy from harmful germs with the hands free soap pump next to your sink!

Now, I don't doubt that there are germs on the soap pump (well, perhaps I do, but that's another issue)... but what do I do normally when I touch something nasty or germ-ridden?  Wash my hands!  But wait?  That's ALREADY what I'm doing!  What a deal!  So why should I care if the soap pump is germy?  I shouldn't!  That's the point!  It's the perfect problem you never knew you had, coupled with this country's obsession with cleanliness and scaring people into thinking that germs are out to get you!  "I don't want my kids touching that!  Ew!"

I guess there really IS a sucker born every minute...